How could this happen to me....

How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes

I've got nowhere to run

The night goes on

As I'm fading away

I'm sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

-Excerpt of Simple Plan's "Untitled", courtesy of www.elyrics.net

That was the excerpt of the lyrics of an old favourite of mine. As I was listening to it the other day, I can't help but asked myself the same. As before, the answer didn't change an iota;that I had walked into this ambush with my eyes wide open, that the one time I chose to listen to and then blatantly ignore the cynical pragmatism in me was the nth time I get so screwed over. Likewise, as before, there can only be one answer to all this;that is to wipe away all this talk of hope and rainbow after the storm for they are nothing forlorn hope, serving no purposes other than to really do you in when reality hits.

Most importantly, to remember that cynicism and pragmatism exist for a reason.

Self-denial....

我不难过

这不算什么

只是为什么眼泪会流

我也不懂

-Lyrics from Stefanie Sun's "我不难过".

I was listening to Stefanie's "我不难过" the other day. This was the song that got me started on liking Stefanie's songs. It struck me, as it did then, how much the above captioned part of the song reeks of self-denial.

I watched Love Happens yesterday. It was apparent early on in the movie that Burke, the male protagonist, was constantly living in self-denial, that he had not forgave himself for his wife's death in an accident.

The conventional wisdom is that self-denial is the greatest obstacle to a recovery from the trauma, for by acknowledging the trauma, as with any problems, is to give the trauma the due acknowledgment that you do need to do something about. Yet many a time, I wonder if anybody had ever considered that by wallowing in self-denial, one might actually be carrying out damage control, to save the grief for oneself if you would....

Hope...

I had recently caught a screening of 500 Days of Summer.Despite its male protagonist seemingly moving on at the finale of the movie after going through a relationship that would certainly crush anyone,I can't help but continue to feel for him when he was still forlornly hoping that he could get back with Summer, the female protagonist.

Friends had been unanimous in telling me not to lose hope,that having hope meant that it's half the battle won.That's fine and dandy,except that they were equally unanimous in not realising that hope is a double-edged sword;none gave cognizance to the fact that the higher one's hope is,the harder one falls.

Relieved....

I am relieved.Finally.

The truth....

The truth is indeed ugly....

-Abby Richter (Katherine Heigl) in The Ugly Truth

The truth in indeed ugly.

At the end of the day,men will always be men;we are genetically hotwired to sow our wild oats to ensure survival of our lineage.The same goes for women since they are programmed to look for qualitites in potential mates that indicate a certain degree in security,whether physical or otherwise.

Put it this way,not even the most liberal SNAG,metrosexual or other whatnots will look upon a lady whose looks totally put them off to be their life partner;or for that matter,nor will the most simpleminded woman agree to a courtship unless the suitor has that teeny weeny bit of potential to better provide for the family than he can right now.

It is just that simple,that superficial.The world is unfair;it is that bleak.I am not attempting to find excuses for such superficiality but I suppose that the sooner this is recognised,the more hurt will be spared....

Game,set and match.Play by the game or drop out.I know damn well which option I have had chosen;there was only one option for me anyway.It is not that bad at all;turtleshelling never was,at least not for me.

我以前没得选折....

我以前没得选折，现在我想做个好人....

-Inspector Lau Kin Ming (played by Andy Lau),Infernal Affairs 1

I was watching the Infernal Affairs series,again I might add.The above captioned phrase somehow just rekindle the indelible mark in my memories like it did the other time.

Fast forward to when I came across my friend's link to a Taiwanese advertisement in Facebook.The female protagonist started by saying rhetorically that we frequently thought about what makes life perfect.She ended by concluding that it is what we felt about the mundane and little things in life that determined if we are living the perfect life that we so desire.

Indeed,life is what ever you make of it;if by accepting my lot in life makes me just that little happier or that less sad,who is to tell me otherwise?Sure,it smacks of self-defeatism but as always,whatever floats your boat....

P.S.-This is the 3rd draft since the previous two drafts' formatting went haywire.

When you are young....

When you are young,everything feels like the end of the world.But it's not,it's just the beginning.

-Teenage Mike O'Donnell (Played by Zac Efron) in "17 Again"

At first sight,it does seem as if the above statement holds true;that the younger we are,the less resilient are we.Yet it might just be because the young do care more that they possess the youthful exuberance to keep on going despite all odds,which coincidentally is the basis for many a miracle.

Still,with the hindsight of experience,one learns to choose his battles;that you do not have to win every battle,just the ones that matter.It smacks of cynicism,but that is reality for you for reality is never beautiful.That may just be how one can last the course.

I'm so tired....

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

You presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

My Immortal - Evanescence

Lyrics courtesy of www.lyricsmode.com

Above are the opening stanzas for Evanescence's "My Immortal".It is very simple,very poignant....

I had recently been captivated by this song and when I went through its lyrics,I can't help but feel that the aforementioned stanzas just seems to resonate with life in general.

Away from the context of the song and by extension,away from the context of an estranged relationship,it seems to pretty much sum up life in general.

Trials and tribulations are but inexorable facts of life and while you do emerge stronger from each episode,in my humble opinion,it is an equally unyielding fact of life that a certain part of you died in each episode;that while time does seem to numb the pain,it can never erase the wounds for each time you find yourself in a similar situation,you would be afraid to commit like you have had done the previous time,not necessarily because the protagonists are as frightening but because you do not know if your shattered spirit can pick itself up like the other time nor if your battered and bleeding heart can take another blow....